How To Ask For A Reference During Your Job Search
Episode 443 | Author: Emilie Aries
And yes, you should always ask first. Here’s why!
Just about everyone looking for a new job needs a reference or two, and former employers are the most common—and often the best-suited—option. While most of us expect to be called as a reference for someone, someday, that doesn’t mean we’re ok with that interview coming out of the blue.
Here are four tips for every job searcher to get the best result from a reference check, and it all begins with giving your reference a heads-up.
Tip #1: Reach out and reconnect
The idea for this episode took root when I received an unexpected reference check for a former employee. So my first tip is to make sure you give your reference a heads-up. Beyond simply letting them know you’ve put their contact information on an application, I suggest reconnecting more significantly.
Calling or emailing to ask how life is going might feel like a blatant lead-in to your request, but it’s still a nice way to begin any conversation, especially if it’s been a while since you last spoke. If you parted on less-than-amicable terms, don’t hesitate to acknowledge this and note that you wish them well.
Enquiring as to their well-being also gives them the opportunity to let you know about any circumstances that might affect their ability to be your reference. For instance, if they’re on leave to care for a loved one, they might not be in a position to take that call, and knowing this can avoid wasting either of your time.
Tip #2: Provide context for your request
It might feel like oversharing to fill your contact in on your job search parameters, but a bit of context is always helpful. For example, let them know that you’re looking for a certain kind of position or a job in a certain field. A transition to a different industry is particularly useful information because it changes the kind of traits you might want them to vouch for. If the pivot is significant, let them know that you would like them to talk about your people skills or reliability rather than your knowledge of industry-specific software. Better yet, if you’re applying for a job that was posted online, share the link with them.
Tip #3: Ask if they are comfortable serving as a reference
Whatever your relationship was with this person, avoid assuming they’ll be game to give you a glowing reference. Don’t be afraid to ask the question outright: “Do you feel comfortable serving as a reference for me?” or “Do I have your blessing to share your contact information on this application?” This is also the perfect opportunity to ask for their preferred method of contact.
Bonus Tip #4: Ask if they have any hesitation
If you’re feeling particularly brave, take a deep breath and wrap up your conversation with one last question: “Is there anything that gives you doubts about serving as my reference?”
Don’t ask this if you can’t handle constructive criticism. But if you can, this is an excellent opportunity to really feel out this connection and whether or not this person is the right contact for you. After all, isn’t it better to know if they will be a less-than-glowing reference for you now than to find out after they’ve spoken with your potential new employer?
If you’re looking for advice beyond these tips while you prepare for—or continue—your job transition, check out my LinkedIn Learning course How To Leverage References, Recommendations, and Referrals to Advance Your Career. In this class, I break down the difference between these three kinds of job search supports and how to make each of them work to your advantage.
What’s your experience with asking for or acting as a reference? Visit our Courage Community on Facebook or join us in our group on LinkedIn to share your story or tips!
Related Links from today’s episode:
Bossed Up’s Job Search Resource Hub
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CAREER ON LINKEDIN LEARNING:
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EMILIE: Hey, and welcome to the Bossed Up podcast, episode 443. I'm your host, Emilie Aries, the founder and CEO of Bossed Up. And I have employed quite a few people over the past 10-11 years now that Bossed Up has existed.
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And recently, I experienced a really bizarre occurrence, which is over the past few months, I received reference calls from prospective employers who were looking to hire my former employee. And it put me in a really weird spot because we had parted ways under unfortunate circumstances that was due to a downturn in our industry. But I was essentially, at the time when we parted ways, like, reaching out to this person, looking to support this person in their transition, you know, looking to meet up with this person and talk and chat and connect and just sort of part ways on as amicable a note as possible and I was ghosted. I was just totally ghosted, which over the years, I've sort of processed and managed my own feelings around and didn't take it personally. Like, they were probably in an awkward position and didn't feel like talking with their former boss. I can totally understand that. But then the reference calls started coming in, and I was in a weird spot because I'm getting these people who are asking me to vouch for a former employee who has gone fully incommunicado on me, and that didn't leave a really good taste in my mouth. And then I was being asked to vouch for skills that were not actually demonstrated in their time working for me. And so I didn't want to sabotage anyone's career.
So I was very candid in giving this person a lot of praise for the things that they did do effectively for me on my team. But I did have to acknowledge, like, there are certain concerns or just things that didn't go well, especially towards the very end of our time together. And it just led me to think, how would I make my references feel when they're getting a phone call? In fact, I recently had, as a part of a leadership application, an application process that I've been navigating this year. I had to call a former client of mine and say, hey, I'd love to put you down as a reference in this formal application process. I have no idea when or if they'll call you, but before I do so, I want to get your blessing. I want to catch up. I want to make sure we're sympatico and that everything that we did together, in your mind, would be a good example of the kind of leadership I'm trying to display in this application. And it led to a lovely catch up phone call and an opportunity to reconnect and get her blessing. So, as I was just reflecting on this process of being put in this very awkward position, I thought it best to give a really quick boss tip episode on the fundamentals of, how to ask someone to serve as a reference for you. Including because so many people in lots of industries over the past years have been laid off, including if things didn't end very well, like, how do you go about navigating that? How do you secure a reference and not burn a bridge on your way out the door, even if it was done under an unfortunate layoff situation?
So here's the kind of formula I would follow. The first is to reach out and reconnect. It's not great to only reach out when you need something, but that's okay. If that's the case, you might not have any good reason or desire to reach out to your former boss, especially if they had to lay you off under any circumstances other than asking them for their reference or for their support in serving as a reference. But when you need something from them, reach out directly and reach out in such a way, maybe it's a text, maybe it's a phone call, a voicemail, an email to say, I first and foremost want to see how you're doing. Wanted to check back in. Um, you know, I know things didn't end in the way that we wanted them to and that we parted ways under unfortunate circumstances, but I wish you well, and I hope you're doing well. Even if it sounds trite, those niceties at the top, really make your ask at the bottom of said email or voicemail or phone call go over a lot easier.
So just check in, human to human, how are you doing? Like, how have you been? Even if we didn't love working together, you were a part of that person's daily life for a while. So connect human to human first and ask for a status update so that they can give you a heads up in case something crazy is going on in their life. Like, if they are navigating a personal crisis, then maybe now is not the best time to ask for their reference. So give them the opportunity to tell you how they're doing.
Then, as you transition to your ask again whether this is over a phone call or via email, feel free to ask in whatever medium works best for you but I want you to provide context. I'm applying for jobs in this field. I'm applying for these kinds of positions, or maybe it's, I'm navigating a complete and total career transition and I'm looking to return to this other industry I used to be a part of that's totally different from the work that we did together. Whatever it is, provide context. You might want to even go as far as to say, the specific ways in which you could vouch for me that would be really helpful in this instance would be to speak about x, y and z transferable skills, not so much a, b and c skills. So let's say you're transitioning from mortgage lending, which is not so hot in industry right now, to personal finance, right? Personal financial advising. So if you're calling your former boss or colleagues and asking them to serve as a reference, you might want to say, look, the mortgage lending skills that I brought to that position are not the most transferable at the moment, but if you could really speak to my reliability, my character, and my customer service skills, that would be immensely helpful. So you want to provide that specific context. If you have a specific job that you're applying for, feel free to link directly to it and say, here's the position I'm excited to be, you know, throwing my hat in the ring for. But if you're going to be putting them down for lots of different jobs in the industry, you don't need to be that specific. You could simply say, I'm applying to jobs in x, y, and z category or industry.
And then finally just ask straight up, would you feel comfortable serving as a reference for me? Would you be confident in speaking to my skills and my reliability as a team member if you were to serve as a reference for me, and then you don't want to beat around the bush, you want to ask directly if you have their blessing to put their contact information down, and then maybe even ask, what's your preferred email address or phone number to list when I'm putting you down as a reference? Ask explicitly to gain explicit consent on this. It's going to go a lot farther.
And finally, if you're feeling particularly courageous and want to cover all your bases, here's a great question I would ask before that conversation ends that I also recommend asking at the end of an interview with a prospective employer. And that is, is there anything that would give you pause from wholeheartedly recommending me, or is there anything that gives you doubts about serving as my reference? Is there anything about our past employment together that would give you concerns about serving as a reference for me? The reason that's a courageous question is because it requires a sense of humility and an opportunity for them to give you feedback in an environment in which they now have no power over you. But hopefully they will be candid with you. Because if for any reason they are going to serve as a bad reference for you, you want to know, okay, you really want to know. Better you get that information now in what might be an uncomfortable but clarifying conversation, than simply put their name down continuously on job applications that then lead to no offers because they cannot wholeheartedly endorse you. So that is the question I would end on just to get a gut check, and hopefully they'll say absolutely not. You know, we parted ways under terrible circumstances that had nothing to do with your performance, and I'd be happy to serve as a reference for you.
For lots more details on how to make the most of references, recommendations and referrals to advance your career whether you're job searching or not, check out my LinkedIn learning course, How to Leverage References, Recommendations and Referrals to Advance Your Career.
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It's a great video based, step by step course all about the differences between references, recommendations and referrals, and how to make them work for you. I will link to that course in today's show notes. And until next time, let's keep bossin’ in pursuit of our purpose and together let's lift as we climb.
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