How to Move Past Taking Things Personally at Work

Episode 485 | Author: Emilie Aries

What’s your approach when you get hung up on a mistake or criticism at work?

We’re all human, which, unfortunately, means when we screw up or receive less than glowing feedback at work, we have a tendency to take it personally. Let’s look at how we can approach these inevitable and often upsetting experiences in a healthy way that breeds resilience, empowers positive change, and sets us up to be stronger in the future—both in and beyond our careers.

Step One: Check the facts

Whether it’s a clear mistake on your part or unexpected negative feedback, those bad career days can quickly take their toll. If you find yourself spiraling into anxiety, overthinking everything you have ever done that might have landed you in this situation and questioning your ability to function as a human…you aren’t alone. But we need to press pause on this reaction.

Rather than leaning into a possibly made-up narrative that supports your personal failings, get down to brass tax. What actually happened? Recount that story in writing, out loud to yourself, or to someone you trust. Phrase everything around what you did or didn’t do, not who you are. Per Brene Brown, move away from long-lasting, insidious shame (I’m a screw-up, I always do this) to shorter-term, practical guilt (I missed that deadline). 

To reframe the narrative, ask yourself these questions:

  1. What are the facts of the situation?

  2. Who told me the story I’m telling about myself now?

Once you’ve distinguished between the anxiety-driven story and the objective facts, you can move on to step two.

Step Two: Name and feel your feelings

Don’t discount any of the feelings you’re feeling. Instead, identify them. Do you feel embarrassed? Regretful? Frustrated (who else here is a frustration crier)? Once labeled, they can be expressed aloud, to yourself or that trusted someone. 

Working on this emotional intelligence skill that’s essential to your resilience will help you begin to self-regulate, and it’s only from here that you can really make a plan for how to move forward. 

Cue step three.

Step Three: Get a game plan going

Steps one and two are helpful whether or not the issue is something you ultimately want to address (I’m thinking of the experience I shared in Episode 467, How To Handle Negative Reactions When You Speak Up—not all feedback is worth internalizing). Step three, however, applies to situations where you recognize, from level-headed reflection, that there’s something to be learned and to try differently next time.

Ask yourself what it is you want to change. Is it specific to this situation, or is it a larger systemic issue, like “be more prepared for meetings”? Then, start working on how you’re going to implement those changes.

We can only grow our Boss Identities and confidence in our abilities if we take risks and, in those instances where the risk doesn’t perfectly pan out, reiterate and try again. If we shrink away from every mistake and our only takeaway is that we shouldn’t attempt that again, we can’t thrive.

In this episode and throughout this podcast, I talk a lot about what and how we can learn from challenging or painful experiences without ignoring or steamrolling over them. As established and aspiring leaders, we can all benefit from actionable ideas for building these skills, and my book, Bossed Up: A Grown Woman’s Guide to Getting Your Sh*t Together, is full of them. Support me and your local bookstore or library—not to mention yourself—by checking it out!

We also learn from the experiences of others! Come over to our Courage Community on Facebook or join us in our group on LinkedIn to share your approaches and stories around the dreaded anxiety spiral and the resilience on the other side.

Related Links From Today’s Episode:

Episode 323, How To Lead With Emotional Intelligence book, “Permission to Feel”

Episode 467, How To Handle Negative Reactions When You Speak Up

LEVEL UP: a Leadership Accelerator for Women on the Rise

“Bossed Up: A Grown Woman’s Guide to Getting Your Sh*t Together” by Emilie Aries

Bossed Up Courage Community

Bossed Up LinkedIn Group

LEVEL UP your confidence in your leadership skills:

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