3 Best Practices to Make Your Voice Heard at Work

Jul 19

Why do good ideas go unsaid?

It’s a question I’ve asked women in the Bossed Up community for years when trying to get at the root of why so many of us find it hard to speak up and assert ourselves at work - especially as women and members of marginalized communities.

Here’s what I tend to hear in response:

“Well…I used to speak up without hesitation, but I lost my confidence.”

“I just can’t speak freely here.”

“Ever since I worked for a toxic boss, I just don’t speak up like I used to.”

“I guess I prefer deferring to others first.”

The concept of losing your voice as a coming-of-age rite of passage isn’t just a troubling trope for Disney princesses: it’s a real phenomenon backed by research. Starting in adolescence, psychologist Deborah Cihonski found that even previously audacious little girls became reticent to weigh in, even when they have something important to say. The girls in her study considered everything from potential embarrassment to backlash before deciding to speak up, and often, they chose not to.

“Rather than speaking being their default, not speaking becomes the default and to speak up when it’s important is something that’s effortful for them,” Cihonski said.

This troubling gendered phenomenon - called “loss of voice” - continues well into adulthood, too. A viral NYT article from April 2020 chronicled rising reports from women navigating newly-remote workplaces, many of whom found it increasingly difficult to get a word in edgewise. Upon navigating continuous interruption, being spoken over, or simply not being heard by colleagues, even the most outspoken women are liable to toss up their hands and sit back.

If left unchecked, this self-censorship can easily become a bad habit that not only holds women back from being heard, but also hurts our organizations, overall.

So what can we do to overcome this tendency and speak up at work?

Cultivate your inner coach

When deciding whether or not to speak up and contribute to a conversation at work, it’s easy to think about all that could go wrong.

What if I sound stupid?

What if I don’t have all the information?

What if I say the wrong thing?

That’s your inner critic talking, and let’s be real: she has a point! Your inner critic is trying to protect you from risk. She’s trying to make sure you don’t lose the reputation and credibility you’ve worked hard to gain. She watches out for missteps and tries to guide you aways from pitfalls that could prevent you from being perceived in a positive light.

But here’s what she doesn’t take into consideration: what do you risk by not speaking up? What if people love what you have to say? What if the question you ask is one everyone else in the room was wondering, too? What if your idea gets green-lit and takes on a life of its own?!

While our inner critic is quick to watch out for potential downsides of speaking up, we need our inner coach to remind us of the upsides at stake, too. If you’re working to establish yourself as a thought leader, as a creative contributor, and as someone who’s engaged in the work at hand: making your voice heard is integral.

Even when the stakes feel high, you have to be in your own corner, cheering yourself on, not tearing yourself down. Cultivating your inner coach can take time, so I encourage you to literally script out some lines to call upon when your inner critic feels like she’s driving your decision-making. What’s a good come-back your inner coach can use to keep your inner critic from steam-rolling you? You might try:

They’re paying me to contribute my opinion!

It doesn’t have to be perfect to be powerful.

I’m not just speaking up for me, I’m speaking up for my clients / constituents / students / colleagues / etc.

Write down the lines you want to equip your inner coach with on a sticky note or digital wallpaper and stick it somewhere you know you’ll need it. With intentional effort, your inner critic isn’t likely to go away completely, but hopefully they won’t be the only voice in your head when considering whether or not to make your voice heard.

When the world is telling women - in subtle and not-so-subtle ways - to sit back and stay quiet, you have to be in your own corner, rooting yourself on.

Lower the bar

I often find myself repeating this advice that I first heard from a Speak Up program participant: give yourself permission to speak in “first draft.”

It’s just plain unrealistic to expect you’ll speak with absolute perfection and in “final draft” form in everyday work conversation. When we hold ourselves to such a high standard, we miss the opportunity to respond in real time.

“I feel like the moment always passes me by,” is a common refrain I hear from clients who are struggling to be heard. While you’re trying to gather your thoughts and mentally construct the perfect contribution, question, or comment, the conversation moves on, in a different direction. It’s a universal experience that everyone contends with, but if this happens chronically, you might need to figure out an adaptation to help lower the bar for yourself.

After all, the most impactful speakers aren’t perfect in their remarks, either. Think about it: disruptors, leaders, and speakers of all kinds rarely get it right 100% of the time. Greta Thunberg, Malala Yousif, Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, and even President Barack Obama himself come to mind as powerful, impactful speakers who still stumbled over their words at times. Watch any of their speeches and you’ll see examples of imperfect speech that still connects with and moves people powerfully.

If you’re holding yourself to an impossibly high standard, be aware of the potential downside of feeling like nothing you have to say is perfect enough.

Because after all, being perfect isn’t the goal. Being a part of the conversation is - and to dive into dialogue, we all have to accept that we’re not going to get it 100% right, 100% of the time.

Practice strategic interruption

We’ve already touched on some of the important inner work that needs to be done in order to speak up and be heard at work, so let’s round this post out with tactical tips on speaking out more at work.

To make your voice heard, embrace the art of strategic interruption. And when I say “interruption,” I’m not talking about an act that necessarily needs to be rude or confrontational - I’m simply talking about the reality of making your voice heard in a conversation, even when others aren’t explicitly making space for you to do so.

Interruption in itself isn’t rude. In fact, you probably interrupt your bestie on phone or video chats without thinking twice about it. What makes it feel more risky at work isn’t necessarily the act of interrupting, it’s more often the power dynamics at play and your strong desire to stay on your boss’s good side.

So when you’ve weighed the risks of speaking up and of staying silent, and you’ve decided you want to make your voice heard, here are a few simple strategies that can help:

Say their name:
“Celina, before we move on, I wanted to loop back on the data…”
Raise your volume:
“Have we considered…HAVE WE considered going back to the data?
Repeat as needed:
“I’m concerned…I’m concerned….I’m concerned we’re missing the patient perspective here.”

If interrupting like this feels more assertive than you’re used to: keep the rest of your body language as non-confrontational as possible to balance things out. Take a deep breath, try to keep a smile on your face, and maintain open, positive body language.

Getting more comfortable with interrupting takes practice - especially if you’ve conditioned everyone around you to expect otherwise. But even if your face turns beet red and you find yourself in a full body sweat the first few times you dare to interject and make your voice heard - don’t lose sight of the big picture: you’re retraining your brain to help you show up more fully at work.

I want to live in a world where more women feel entitled to being heard; where more women of color’s ideas see the light of day and where more nonbinary voices are considered alongside the same old crusty, dusty ideas that have always been put forth by the loudest voices in the room.

While allies and leaders can absolutely do more to create psychologically safe workplaces where everyone feels comfortable speaking up, I also hope you can be your own biggest champion in making your voice heard.

If you put these strategies into practice, I’d love to hear from you! Keep the conversation going and share your experiences in the Bossed Up Courage Community on Facebook here. And if you’d like more support and a safe space to practice these tactics and many, many more, join us for Speak Up, our 8-week assertive communication accelerator for women who want to master the art of owning your voice.