3 Ways to Be More Bossed Up Right Now
Episode 305 | Author: Emilie AriesBack in 2013 when I started Bossed Up, I chose our organization’s name very intentionally. I just so happened to file for my LLC in the same month that Lean In debuted, sparking a whole new conversation about the state of women in the workplace, shared, as per usual, from the perspective of a powerful, privileged, white woman.
While I am white myself (while also proudly identifying as Latina), I wanted Bossed Up to take a more explicitly intersectional approach from the get-go. Hip hop was a huge source of inspiration to me growing up and throughout my early adulthood, and shaped how I viewed the world from the perspective of someone taking charge of their own come-up story.
While Lin Manuel Miranda was drafting lyrics for Hamilton that made the many connections between hip hop and American history explicit, I too saw parallels that applied to the kind of organization I hoped Bossed Up would become.
What other art form could better capture the American dream of taking charge of your destiny, despite innumerable obstacles and injustices, than hip hop, which originated in The Bronx in the 1970’s, at the height of urban plight, white flight, and rising crime rates. As the Icon Collective, an LA-based music school that chronicled hip hop’s history put it:
“A new era was on the rise fueled by sentiments of anger, hardship, and abandonment. However, the emerging hip hop movement transformed despair and racial barriers into numerous creative outlets.”
There’s a reason the rise of this Black art form has gone so mainstream: it’s indicative of the American aspiration of rising up, despite the “powers that be.”
What Does “Bossed Up” mean?
Getting bossed up is about owning your power, knowing your worth, and taking charge of your destiny.
I first came across the term “bossed up” in this interview with rapper and pop superstar Nicki Minaj, in which she bemoaned the challenges of being a powerful, talented woman in the industry and the double-standards she constantly had to navigate.
Nicki got to the root of the issue with the following reflection:
“When I am assertive, I’m a bitch. When a man is assertive, he’s a boss. He bossed up. No negative connotation behind ‘bossed up,’ but lots of negative connotation behind ‘being a bitch.’”
I couldn’t empathize more! It’s easy to relate to her challenge of wearing so many hats at once – many of which require being assertive, confident, and self-respectful. But those characteristics come with negative social consequences for women in a world that’s still not sure that it likes assertive women.
The gender and racial dynamics of getting “bossed up” made it the perfect term to name the organization after, as it captured so many intersectional complexities and so much history, while also articulating the aspirational element of wanting more power over your life, your career, and your destiny.
So How Can You Be More Bossed Up?
Get clear on what you really want - and don’t apologize for it.
What is it, really? Money? Power? Prestige? Freedom? Regardless of whether it’s “socially acceptable” to want what you want, you’ve got to give yourself permission to really know your goals before you can get after them.
This means ditching all those people-pleasing tendencies and that martyrdom mindset that have been drilled into us our entire lives and giving yourself permission to think selfishly - even if just in your own head. If no one else on earth existed, if you didn’t have to worry about any responsibilities and obligations, what would you want most out of your one and precious life?
Meditate on it. Journal about it. Talk it over with your closest friends and loved ones. Resist the temptation to try and justify it and question what comes up, and just explore without judgement. Give yourself permission to give your dreams some air time. Once you speak them out loud, it’s hard not to go for them.
Take stock of what power you do have - and use it.
Then, it’s time to take inventory. What could you be doing to make your goals a reality that you aren’t already doing?
Are you sitting by, waiting for life to happen to you? For someone to swoop in and save the day? Do you get stuck in analysis paralysis, waiting for the perfect time and the perfect plan to come together before jumping into action?
Stop waiting for permission to be your own best advocate. It’s time to boss up and take charge. Hate your soul-sucking job? Get a new one. Been slowly losing yourself in a messed up relationship? Leave. Miss your loved ones? Go see them.
I’m not saying it’s easy. But it is simple. Get moving on your goals by taking inventory of what you can control: your words, your actions, your next move. We are far too biased as human beings towards maintaining the status quo instead of making a change. Resist the power of inertia and take action. And that includes, by the way, how you leverage your community. Asking for help is a form of making forward movement.
Take stock of what support you need - and ask for it.
None of us can fully achieve our goals on our own - so who is it that can help you get there faster? Who has power - money, wisdom, experience, connections, or resources - that can make your path forward less steep of a climb?
When’s the last time you reached out to them? Asked for help? Sought out the support you needed?
If you don’t know what you don’t know, at the very least identify whose achievements you admire, and get busy trying to get to know them better. Surround yourself with the people you aspire to be, and you’ll pick up on what those folks do to get to where they are.
Taking charge isn’t easy, but it isn’t complicated.
Taking responsibility for pursuing your goals isn’t glamorous and it isn’t easy. We all have different obstacles in our path - and some of us have a lot steeper of a climb than others.
But it’s also not complicated: it looks like the simple act of showing up for yourself, day after day, despite what the critics say to deter you, despite the distractions and excuses you could always turn to instead. It’s consistently putting in the effort on your own behalf to crawl, sweat, and climb your way to whatever it is you want out of life. And no one else can do that for you.
Got a career conundrum you want Emilie to cover on the podcast? Call and leave us a voicemail NOW at 910-668-BOSS(2677).
