How To Get Through Your Valentine’s Day Blues
Let’s be honest. Not everyone is a fan of Valentine’s Day.
Some argue they don’t want to buy into our culture’s commercialism, or state that there shouldn’t be just one day to profess your love to your partner. Well, of course not! Love should be expressed every single day, and V-Day is simply an extra opportunity to increase the intimacy and romance in your relationship.
If you’re single, I know it may feel like there’s a giant sign above your head in neon letters reading, “Singles Awareness Day,” but V-Day can be a blast for you too, as you can love and pamper yourself just fine.
Why do people hate Valentine’s Day so much?
This holiday taps into people’s vulnerabilities and fears, such as being single and alone, or in an unsatisfying relationship. It highlights where your romantic needs are not being met.
The holiday can really fall flat for unhappy couples, who may use V-Day as a Band-Aid to their underlying disconnection. A dozen red roses won’t fix the cracks in your relationship!
The idea of Valentine’s Day may be greater in your mind than in reality. You’re bombarded by marketing everywhere you look, friends ask you about your special plans, and your Facebook feed is full of people bragging about what their partner did for them.
If your partner doesn’t plan any grand gestures, or worse, totally forgets about 2/14, your day is ruined and you wind up in an argument. It can also feel like a letdown if your expectations are unrealistic or go unmet.
So how to you deal with Valentine’s Day disappointments?
Celebrating alone with a box of chocolates? If you’re single and bummed about your relationship status, surviving this holiday is about catching and challenging your negative thoughts.
Remind yourself that being single doesn’t define you or your self-worth.
Take steps to make the holiday fun, whether it’s seeing the new 50 Shades of Grey movie with your girlfriends, throwing a Pinterest-worthy wine and dessert party for a true ‘Galentine’s Day,’ or attending one of the many singles-oriented events around this time of year.
Surrounding yourself with the people you love, who give you a sense of belonging, will help combat that feeling of loneliness.
If you’re in a relationship and having Valentine’s Day blues, it’s important to set realistic expectations before the holiday.
Hoping he’ll surprise you and roll out the red carpet when he’s never been a planner before is likely setting yourself up for disappointment. Though it doesn’t feel as romantic to remind your partner in advance, it’s important to have a conversation about V-Day so that you’re on the same page.
Keep the conversation broad and leave room for a surprise so that your partner can figure out the details. For instance, state that you’re really hoping to get dressed up for a dinner out, or that you’d appreciate a thoughtful card. If you know something specific will absolutely make your day, just be straightforward. Your partner can’t read your mind.
If you still hate Valentine’s Day, let’s reframe your thoughts. Think of this day as a little reminder to practice gratitude and express appreciation.
Focus on speaking your partner’s love language—the way in which he or she most likes to receive love. The most meaningful way to celebrate the holiday may not be a fancy dinner at a swanky restaurant, but rather a list of 50 things you love about your partner, or instead of expensive jewelry it may be quality time together, or physical touch by giving your partner a massage.
Ultimately, this day, like every other day, should be about making your partner feel like a priority. And if you don’t have a partner, it’s a reminder to make yourself a priority by splurging on self-care, and go ahead and indulge in that box of pink and red chocolates!
This post was originally published on Love Successfully and was shared with permission.
As The Millennial Love Expert, Samantha Burns, LMHC is a Relationship Counselor and Dating Consultant who works with individuals and couples to help their love lives thrive! Samantha tackles all relationship issues—breaking up, dating, increasing relationship satisfaction, and coping with infidelity.
As a Licensed Mental Health Counselor, Samantha earned her Master’s degree in Counseling Psychology, completing her thesis on gender differences in infidelity and counseling couples through an affair. Samantha works in her thriving private practice in Boston, Massachusetts, as well as offers coaching services to clients near and far on Skype/phone.